Monday, June 3, 2013

Mark Will Leave the Pole Spinning Draft 1


Mark Will Leave the Pole Spinning
by Woody Tauke
1007 word
IP: The Kalamazoo Gazette

Two women pass by the large front window of Mark’s Hair Shop’s on Vine Street in Kalamazoo, Michigan.  One is walking a dog and doesn’t notice Mark’s place situated in the small row of businesses in the commercial section of the largely residential Vine Neighborhood.  The other glances in briefly and stops, pondering the simple wood paneling and traditional two-chair barbershop aesthetic on the interior of Mark’s, she sticks her head in the door and asks with no greeting,

“Can you shave this up for me?”

Referencing the left side of her head.  Without hesitation Mark responds that he can and the woman continues,

“Great, I’ve got to go get some beer, then go get my wallet, and I’ll be right back.”

She leaves and Mark goes back to busily flitting around a costumer who sits attentively, cashing in on the free “clean up” that Mark offers one week after your haircut.  Mark is surprisingly agile for a man that is well over six feet tall, and his giant hands are nimble with scissors, comb, and clippers.  Walking down the street you probably wouldn’t realize that Mark is a barber, he has long mahogany hair that, when not hidden beneath his signature blue baseball cap, hangs around his shoulders.  He has a wide smile and bright eyes that rarely dim down.  You can talk to Mark and he will listen, but when he speaks to you his lips fly around the words only pausing, albeit frequently, to let out one of his trademark machine gun chuckles. 

Mark, like always, is in a good mood today.  He has good music and a good business in a place he truly loves.  But Mark, like most small business owners, hasn’t always had a happy story.  Prior to Mark’s Hair Shop, Mark co-owned and ran a barbershop with his sister near Western Michigan University’s main campus.  Several years ago, Mark’s sister went through a messy divorce and both she and Mark took a massive financial hit and we forced to foreclose on their business.  Mark is a third generation barber though, and refused to let that be the end of his career.  Eight months ago he discovered his current Vine Street location and said, “I’ve landed.” 
            Today Mark and his apprentice Andrew Shagene work together building back and restoring integrity to the community which has received them so well.   Andrew explained,

“We live in the community, and that’s what we’re all about. —”

 This explanation was cut short as another young woman entered the shop dragging a sullen little boy in an army vest behind her; she gave Andrew a nod, and greeted Mark with an exasperated,

“This guy needs a trim, I tried to do it myself but I just can’t get the lines matched up!”
She slumped as she said this and Mark was quick with a smile,

“Of course my dear” and motioned for the unhappy looking little boy to take his seat, he then looked at Andrew and said,

“I need music.”

  Andrew pressed play and the boy in the army vest didn’t cheer up much as Mark feverishly set in to work, his mother did though and in a moments notice was all smiles.  Mark, clippers in hand, face contorting in concentration, spun around the boy like a conductor in front of a symphony, minutes later he shook out the barbers bib and the boy got up.  The woman hugged Mark goodbye, and he quietly said,

“Alright, I love you”

She left in much better spirits than when she came in and no money was ever exchanged; Mark merely explained that he had known the woman for a month and that they were close friends. 

Andrew then continued,

“—We want our costumers to have some identity at a local place, not ostracized like at those corporate barbershops.”

            This is their business plan to an extent: to provide a place where people from a close nit community can come and feel at home.  Their efforts have truly paid off and are immediate upon stepping into Mark’s music filled Hair Shop.  The level of intimacy that Mark interacts with his clients at is almost staggering at first, and it is hard to comprehend.  Quickly though you realize that it is not contrived and this kind of relationship is far from uncommon for Mark. Junior at Kalamazoo College, Jack Masion, has been getting his haircut at Mark’s once or twice a month since March.

“—I’ve never seen him frown.  He’s kind of crazy but a real happy guy and he gives great haircuts.  At this point I’d consider him more of a friend than a barber.  Sometimes I just hangout at the shop.” 

            The sense of community that Mark has worked to establish in his shop is infectious, people stop to ask if Mark can cut a fade or women’s hair almost constantly, and there is no of ere of formality.  People are simply comfortable around Mark and while his haircuts are excellent (I’ve had one or two myself), Mark is the product.
            For this locally owned and operated barbershop, the neighborhood is everything. When the place quieted down, and the last patron had left the shop Andrew turned and said,

“The community is dedicated to us.  They’ve been very supportive.”

            Community is truly the lifeblood of Mark’s Hair Shop, the tiny two-room barbershop on Vine Street.  So, if your hair is ever getting a little out of control or you just want some good conversation, stop by Mark’s.  He and Andrew will be in there, laughing and listening to Black Moth Super Rainbow or Atoms For Peace.  They’re open from ten till six, seven days a weak and clearly love all their costumers, especially their walk-ins.  They spoke quietly together talking about that evening as they swept up hair and counted the small bills, Mark paused for a moment and stared passed the barber pole out into the busy street and said,

“A beacon in the night.  That’ll be it.  We’ll leave the pole spinning.”


7 comments:

  1. Woody,

    I really love the way you describe Mark in the beginning, I totally feel like I can see him. I think it is great when you can show a person instead of just telling every little facet of their personality. I think this topic is quite interesting, I have never heard of this place before so it was a nice piece to read.

    Mark's interactions with the customers were definitely the strongest parts of the piece and they kept me interested. I kind of wish that you had brought up the idea of Mark's instant connection with people a little earlier instead of leaving it until the end, because I think it is important in why the shop works.

    I sort of want to know how the shop is doing and what it looks like inside and outside. It's in sort of a shadier area so I am imagining some sort of dirty little shop that's brightened by this really friendly guy, which could be totally wrong. The last paragraph sort of read to me like an ad for the barber shop, so maybe I'd take out the hours and stuff to make it less like that.

    I think this draft is a really great start and I can't wait to talk more in class

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  2. Wow Woody,

    I think that this is a really great first draft! You drew me in from the beginning with the story about the woman who pokes in and asked to be "shaved up." In fact, I think Mark's interactions with the customers is the strongest part of all of this piece. When it ended, I didn't want it to end. I felt like I wanted to be a fly on the wall in this place and just watch a day unfold- the type of people who come in, the requests they make, the conversations they have. Perhaps incorporating a little bit more of this will entice the reader even more.

    I think the structure is on point and the story is very well-written. I am looking forward to discussing more in class!

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  3. Hey Woody,

    This is awesome. Way to go. There are so many nice little scenes and lines here that really paint the picture nicely. You really do a good job of showing us rather than telling us, so i think you can take our that paragraph about Mark creating community, because we can already tell! You very nicely characterize him as this open, friendly man who is not only people's hairdresser but confidant, reassurance, friend.

    I love the part about him needing music. And this made me wonder more about Andrew as you touched on in your process writing. He didn't really have a large roll in this first draft, so I am looking forward to learning more about him, and having some quotes to characterize Mark as someone who is learning from him. I wonder if he naturally matches Mark's energy or has a different personality. I think writing those things in will eerily add to your piece. I also love the scene at the beginning with the two women, and that that should be your lede. If you want to keep the ending the same, maybe you could refer to the spinning pole earlier on like at the beginning so that at the end it is tying everything back?

    Mare later,
    Charlotte

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  4. Hi. You're killin' it. It's clear that you really delved into the reporting of this project, and it's paying off. I get a very clear portrait of Mark, and I'm intrigued by his eccentricities. (I really want more context about his loving that woman though... is he just overly nice, is she a regular? I was confused and slightly creeped out. But I am also an idiot, so.)

    Structurally I'd like to see a little more mixing, maybe? In the central part of the piece where exposition is broken up by a stream of quotes I think you could complicate things or maybe structure this piece around time so that you're weaving in and out again like you do at the beginning?

    See you soon,

    -Kelsey

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  5. Woody,

    This is a really good, clean draft that concerns a really interesting subject. The scenes that you've interspersed throughout really give the reader a sense of what this place. Excellent job of showing, not telling. You've done a great job of capturing the friendliness and intimacy between Mark and his customers.

    Two suggestions:

    Describe the shop a bit more. We get a little bit of physical description near the end, but I'd like to get a better tangible sense of the shop early on.

    The conflict seems to be Mark vs. Soulless Corporate Barbershops. I think that this needs to be established earlier, although you certainly don't need to hit the reader over the head with it. You develop the theme in a very organic manner over the course of the piece; maybe start the development sooner?

    Great draft!

    Trevor

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  6. Good material Woody. You've done a good job picking up on his quirks and conveying what makes him different from anyone else you may profile. In that sense, your piece is near completion.

    In another sense, this profile doesn't appear to have any conflict. Trevor says it's corporate barber shops. Intuitively, I want to know how a barber stays in business when he's giving out free haircuts all the time.

    I agree with Trevor that the shop needs some more description. I also think Mark needs some more physical description.

    And I'd watch out for being Mark's PR firm. At the end you pretty blatantly advertise for him; I don't think it serves your piece.

    Otherwise, good work. With some cleaning up (make sure the chronology of customers knits together well and that transitions in and out of that narrative are clean) I think it'll be great.

    c

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  7. great work with the introduction to this piece, especially “Great, I’ve got to go get some beer, then go get my wallet, and I’ll be right back.”

    your description of mark validates your need for this opening, i think, because you describe him as kind of a weirdo (in the best way possible, of course) and as someone who fits into the neighborhood ("i've landed") that is inhabited by weirdos just like him (the woman that says "can you shave this up for me?")

    i'm not sure if putting yourself in the story for just one line, more of an aside, is appropriate. i feel like it turns a positive review of this barbershop into a testimonial instead of a review. the rest of the workshop gang may feel otherwise, but this was a cause for (very slight) concern for me.

    i like this piece a lot because it starts out about the community and ends about the community, and thats an important message to share. the dedication and charm of these men comes out clearly.

    i'd like to hear more, which is a good thing i think, about mark's life, and how andrew has come to work with him. im interested to hear your reason for writing it as is (which is really great, your writing has improved so much since the first piece!) but still, i want to know why mark was in kalamazoo originally, if he went to western, or k, or kvcc... etc.

    more in workshop

    xoxo

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